Objectivity can only happen when the observer stands apart with enough distance from what is observed to put things into focus. Not too far, yet not too close. The reality is none of us is capable of being objective when we have stakes in the matter of the thing observed: especially if “THE” thing observed is ourselves.
And if we do, we have entangled ourselves in a lifelong dance of too much or not enough narratives. Isn’t it the reason why we seek help? To find a shortcut in uncovering the answers that “may” result in a quick fix?
The path we seek is to end the suffering. There are those that repress and those that react. We hide, or we scream. None of us is truly aware that “ending” a pattern requires reopening some old wounds. Sometimes just staring at that wound is painful, so we bury it with the only tools that give us the certainty that it will be a painless process. But our internal dialogue is like a skipping record reminding us that we haven’t fooled the mind.
When you have nowhere to turn, you are faced with the person reflected in the mirror.
I always “believed” in the stories I told myself. Especially those that reinforced biased beliefs that “I” knew the best way to walk in the world. Perhaps I did, for that period of my life. I had always been open to new concepts, but I needed some proof to engage in a new path. All paths are different; all have lessons in transformation. They are not always getting you where you need to be, but they forge your character one experience at a time. That is manageable for the most part. It was easy for me to immerse myself in my writing when dance demanded too much of my form (my physical body), especially when my mind replayed way too many absurd egotistical scenarios.
One day, when dance nor writing was enough to calm the mind. I had no other alternative than to see the madness I had created. The only way to shut out the noise was to close my eyes and design a new dimension where I could erect a serene space for myself. My personal life was in turmoil, and I felt the urgency to turn to a higher force for help; to find my way back to God or a cosmic intelligence. Whatever The Word or name was, it did not matter if I had to sit with Buddha, Jesus, or Krishna. First I had to learn how to sit in silence with myself. When you have nowhere to turn, you are faced with the person reflected in the mirror. I didn’t want to just “believe” I wanted to “know”! To achieve this, one would have to have more “in-sight”!
“In the Pali language, “insight” is not the discovery of something new, it is the discovery of the error of an old way of seeing things.”
“On the other hand,
to say that “there is not”
when one does not know,
is to say that one does know
what one does not know,
which is to speak an intentional untruth,
which the wise see
even in the here and now.” – Texts from the Sila-Ethical Culture
Are you wounded, are you seeking, are you repressed or reactive? Which shadow within needs your attention?